Will You Still Trust Me?

WORD BY JODIE HUGHES | June 16, 2021
© Pour It Out Ministries 

Real Talk for your heart: “Will you still trust Me?”
If we have to understand before we trust God, then we’ve made an idol of knowledge.

I remember the moment so clearly when Holy Spirit asked me, “Will you still trust Me?”

I was struggling with questions after my Mum died and went to heaven, as many do with things that hurt.

Sadly, even without realising it, my heart had started to grow cold and distanced from God. Disappointment I had not taken to the altar, had started slowly to grow into bitterness, and even distrust.

I was in the middle of worship, yes worship (!! I mean imagine God trying to talk to me while I worshipped him?!?), when God’s tender voice cut through my worship and He spoke clearly to me. His question stopped me in my tracks. I didn’t realise how far I’d drifted till I heard his words. I heard His love in what He said. I equally recognised the importance of my answer.

“Will you still trust Me?”
I instantly cried. I suddenly realised, my heart had drifted from complete trust. I’d travelled from hurt, to disappointment, to confusion, to distrust so easily. My heart had let disappointment judge His goodness. My heart had little by little placed understanding as a pre-requisite to trust, and judged God wanting because I didn’t understand.

I remember the moment with tears….. and I remember the tenderness of God’s voice as He asked. I distinctly remember, there was no anger. There was no shame…. just love and genuine concern for me. I “knew” as I heard his voice, God cared about my heart, my pain, my questions, my disappointments, my anxious thoughts. I remember knowing He had the healing balm I was looking for. I instantly “knew again”, He was not the problem….. but the answer.

In a moment, I realised, I had made my need to understand an idol. I had little by little chosen that if I didn’t understand, then I couldn’t…. I wouldn’t…. trust.  I cried when I heard God whisper so lovingly to my heart, “will you still trust Me?” I was shocked by His question because it brought clarity to my heart……. I have tears now as I remember His kindness to interrupt my thoughts and confront me with the real issue of my heart.

We all go through things we don’t fully understand and seeking understanding is never wrong. We all have questions this side of eternity we don’t have all the answers to yet. And yet, we are all invited to choose to trust, even when it requires surrender of our questions.  If our need to understand trumps our decision to trust, we’re in danger of walking away from God.

Isn’t this the same age-old, pivotal moment Adam and Eve were faced with in the garden? I’ve often thought, “why did they choose to eat that fruit?  I mean, I’d never do that”, I’ve said” “Surely I would never choose the tree of knowledge if I had been there…”

And here is where I found myself that day…… confronted with the choice to choose knowledge over trust. Confronted with my choice that I had made to get satisfactory answers before I’d agree that God is good, I was wrecked. Would I decide that I should have the right to eat from the tree of knowledge?  Surely, I should have all my questions answered satisfactorily before I trust in God? Surely God should explain himself to me, and make account for things that I don’t understand before I surrender my trust?! I wept…. mostly because I knew as I heard God’s voice, I had a choice, and this broke me…….

I remember the moment well…..
I remember dropping to my knees and weeping…..
I’m sorry God. I’m so sorry…. I’m sorry I had let my heart choose needing understanding before I would trust God.

I remember saying with tears, I’m so sad God. I miss my Mum. I don’t understand it all and I’m hurting, but I choose today…… I choose to trust you! You are good. I lay down my need to understand before I choose to trust. I’m sorry God….. I’m sorry….. I trust You, even where I don’t understand or know the answers. I choose to trust.

That was a big moment. That was a fork in the road moment. That was a Joshua 24:15 moment, “then choose today whom you will serve.”

Yes, I will still trust you I whispered. I have questions, but I choose you…. I choose trust in you regardless of the things I don’t fully understand yet….. I wept as peace returned. I wept as I felt God’s love. I wept as I realised how far I’d drifted from his embrace….. the very embrace that heals the places I felt pain, I had unwittingly run away from. God had not removed his love from me, I had removed my trust from him and suddenly realised I had brought a disconnection to God all by myself. How far I had drifted from His voice. Thank God He spoke to me that day….

The truth is; Having to understand before we trust, makes an idol of knowledge.

God is asking the same question to many of us today who have questions and hurts….  the questions are never wrong to ask, and wisdom is never withheld when sought.

But the answer to this question God tenderly asks determines are we asking as an accuser, or as a child seeking wisdom from a God we trust is good even in the midst of our struggles?

“Will you still trust Me?”
The answer changes everything……

I still answer yes, especially where I don’t understand. In fact, it’s where I don’t understand, that I purposefully say boldly,

I still trust you God.

Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.”

If this is your prayer today, pray with me,
“I still trust you Lord. I choose to trust you even where I don’t understand or have questions. I choose today to trust you with my heart, my life, my questions, and the journey I’m in the middle of. I’m sorry I made understanding a pre-requisite to trusting you, and I ask for forgiveness. I ask for fresh grace to trust you with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding. I love you God, and I choose afresh to trust you and surrender again, just as I am. I receive your peace, courage and healing in the midst all I’m walking through, and thank you for being with me in the “real” places of my heart. Amen”

Blessing you friend.

Blessing you with God’s tender love in the midst of your journey, his healing in the places you need it most, and courage to hear His whispers that call out for fresh surrender and trust. I pray God’s wrap-around presence, wrapped around you today.

Jodie Hughes
Pour It Out Ministries

PS. I release this is a big question and can bring up many thoughts. For those interested, I write an in depth version about this process in my heart in my book “The King’s Decree” by Jodie Hughes. I especially go deep into this moment of my life in the chapter I’ve simply called, “For my Mum”.  ❤️

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